By Rae Pica
www.movingandlearning.com

I just came across an article yesterday that just begged to be commented on. The piece was titled “Personal Trainers for Kids on the Increase: Kids Working with Fitness Experts Hone Skills, Lose Weight, Get Healthy.”

Anyone familiar with my work knows I’m all in favor of fitness for kids. In fact, it’s one of my crusades. But this story worried me. With the children’s obesity crisis raging (and it truly is a crisis) and more and more parents looking to help their kids become physically skilled, there are plenty of people willing to take advantage. These people will promise to “accelerate” your child’s skill development or get him or her “pumped up.” The problems are: It isn’t possible to accelerate skill development…and strength training isn’t appropriate for children under 12. Here’s why the latter should be avoided if you have a young child:

• Children’s bodies aren’t fully developed. Therefore, strength training, handled improperly, can do more harm than good, particularly in children under 6, who are most prone to injury.

• Young children have short attention spans, meaning they don’t have the motivation to endure the monotony of repetitive exercises.

• Young children don’t yet have the cognitive ability to follow instructions and understand the risks and benefits of using strength-training equipment. The experts recommend children be at least 10 — preferably 12 — before handling strength-training equipment.

As far as accelerated skill development is concerned, there’s no scientific evidence that getting an early start leads to improved performance. There is, however, research showing that children who learn skills when they’re developmentally ready learn them more easily.

So, if you’re concerned about your child’s fitness, good for you! But if you’re worried that you need an expert, in the form of personal trainers or organized programs, rest assured that it’s much simpler than that. For young children, the best strength training involves the use of their own body weight in activities they’d be doing anyway…like running and jumping, pumping higher and higher on a swing, climbing the monkey bars, or playing tug-of-war. Yes, this might seem old-fashioned. But if you’re like me, these were the kinds of activities you were doing when you were a kid…and there was no childhood obesity crisis back then.

Rae Pica
www.MovingAndLearning.com

By Rae Pica
www.movingandlearning.com

Wow, according to a story this week in the Boston Globe, anthropologist David Lancy contends that parent-child play has been “virtually unheard of throughout human history” and that “American-style parent-child play is a distinct feature of wealthy developed countries — a recent byproduct of the pressure to get kids ready for the information-age economy.” Lancy’s point seems to be that adult-child play isn’t as important to human development as its proponents make it out to be. After all, parents in other parts of the world don’t interact in that way; and their children turn out fine.

That may be true, but I for one am not backing down on my contention that parents need to play with their children, starting from the time they’re babies. With infants, bonding, language, and touch are involved. Americans generally are a “low-touch” society, and games like pattycake at least ensure more skin-to-skin contact. When parents play with older children, they not only serve as playmates for their kids; they also serve as role models. By taking the time to play, they demonstrate that they consider play to be important!

Of course, I do want to issue a caveat or two here. By its very definition, play should be fun and child-directed. That means if a parent is intent upon playing with a child only for the purpose of advancing her physical or mental skills, it’s probably not true play. In true play, children choose what and how they want to play and the adults follow their lead.

Also: Not long ago, a young mother asked me if it was okay if she occasionally let her children play by themselves. For a few moments, I genuinely didn’t understand the question. Then I realized that she was laboring under the misconception that she was somehow failing her children if she wasn’t always overseeing or participating in their play. Unfortunately, it’s a misconception under which many of today’s parents labor.

I’m here to tell you that your child will be just fine if you let him play without your constant guidance or participation — for a lot of reasons! Among them is the fact that we want our children to grow up to be autonomous people! A child who hasn’t had plenty of opportunity to be independent, self-directed, and self-sufficient isn’t going to suddenly acquire such traits as an adult. Nor is the adult who never learned to play as a child going to know how to keep himself entertained. Moreover, that adult won’t be able to demonstrate playfulness to his own children.

Imagine if, during your own childhood, your parents had joined you and your friends for all of your play! Then, when the horror of that subsides, remember that you don’t have to involve yourself in every aspect of your child’s play because other parents are doing it. Nor do you have to completely excuse yourself from your children’s play just because an anthropologist says parent-child play isn’t common in other parts of the world. The key, I guess, is the same as it is in so many other life situations: finding the balance!

Rae Pica
www.MovingAndLearning.com

by Dr Michele Borba
www.MicheleBorba.com

I don’t know about you, but I’m suffering from a case of only what I can call “Shudder Syndrome” and it seems to be getting worse by the second. It’s a relatively new ailment, but it always materializes when I read those disturbing statistics about young girls. I’m sure you know the ones describing the prevalence of anorexia, depression, cutting, date rape, binge drinking, aggression, bulimia. The minute I hear one, my ailment flares up: it always starts with a bad feeling deep down, and then my whole body just shudders. There has to be other parents like me who are shaking with worry. And I’m the mom of three boys! I can only imagine your symptoms if you’re raising daughters. This is scary stuff.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not implying that our girls are doomed. And certainly boys have their own share of problems as well. I’m just saying we need to keep a closer eye on those trends and realize leading experts are concerned about the young female gender (and with quite valid reasons). We are seeing a rise in depression, eating disorders and low self-esteem. Most experts agree that it’s due to continual negative messages that happiness comes from the outside (being a particular dress size, wearing designer labels, or getting liposuction or breast implants (I kid you not. The increase of plastic surgery among young women is frightening!) Robbed is that great notion that real happiness comes from the inside.

So how do we counter those constant negative media continually bombard our girls? How do we help young girls realize that there are other ways to be happy than by being rich, famous, or pencil-thin? What are ways for parents to help their daughters learn to feel comfortable in their own skin without having to copy “the look” of this week’s Hollywood idol? And just how do we turn these troubling trends around and help our girls grow to be strong, confident and happy?

The Today show asked my advice on just those questions. Here are the four strategies I offered:

1. Be a confident mom. Girls don’t learn to love themselves by hearing our self-esteem dinner lecture, but by having confident role models to copy. Sounds so obvious, but how easily that child development tenet is overlooked. And there’s even proof: A famous University of California at Davis study found that a mother’s working status, occupation, income, education, religious affiliation, and even IQ were no where as significant on her child’s self-esteem as the mother’s own confidence level.

Your self-perceptions–whether high or low—do trickle down to your child. So take care of yourself so your daughter can learn to love herself just as she is. Ask yourself one question each night: “If my daughter had only my behavior to watch today what would she have caught?” Was it independence or dependence. Confidence or insecurity? Be mindful of your influence. Model what you want your daughter to become. You do matter.

2. Stay connected to your daughter. I know those preteen and teen years can be tough on a parent’s ego, but a big mistake is stepping back from our daughter’s lives. Don’t! One of the most comforting finding (that didn’t make me shutter) was a survey conducted by the Girl Scouts of America survey. (Gotta love the Girl Scouts). Read this carefully: Ninety one percent of over 2000 girls surveyed aged eight to nine go to their mothers for advice.

Find ways to stay connected and get into her life. Granted, it may take a bit of creativity, but think! If your daughter is leaning more towards her peers, why not get a few of her friend’s mothers on board? Start a mother-daughter book club or go to yoga or exercise as a group. Watch Friends or Mean Girl with her. Read and discuss Harry Potter because she loves it. Or do what one mom told me she did: read Teen People so you can get into her zone.

3. Foster her strengths and passions. Find that spark in your daughter and help nurture her passions, capabilities, and interests. Yoga, horseback riding, drawing, basketball, writing, cooking: what turns your daughter on? Always tailor your parenting towards her natural nature so she has permission to be herself. Let her know you love her for who she really is—not for what you hope she will become. Doing so is one of the best ways to nurture strong identity and self-worth.

4. Find positive, female role models. Let’s offer our daughters female role models who feel comfortable in their own skin (and don’t need to rely on Botox, breast implants, dieting, and designer labels to feel attractive). What about J.R. Rowling, Erin Brockovich, Michelle Wei, Anne Hathaway, Great Aunt Harriet or even the neighbor lady next door? Expose your daughter to authentic, confident women, and then tell her why you admire them. Our girls need strong, resourceful female examples to emulate. Enough of Paris, Lindsay and Britney!

Our best hope is to help daughters learn as early as possible that real happiness isn’t borrowed or copied, but lies within. That’s exactly why we need to help our girls become strong from the inside out. Doing so is what will help our daughters feel comfortable in their own skin. It’s also the best cure for not only my shutter syndrome (and I’m sure yours), but for those troubling trends plaguing today’s American young girls.

You can start by boosting your influence with your daughter and stay more connected in her life. It’s the best way to counter those negative media messages and help her become her own person and enjoy who she is.

REALITY CHECK: So what are you doing to help raise your daughter to be strong and confident?

I’d love to hear from you!

Dr Michele Borba
www.micheleborba.com